I Can't Bring Myself To Believe In

The Best Part About Being My Age Is In Knowing How My Life Worked Out. Sure, There's A Lot More Living To Go, But There Isn't Much Doubt That I'll Always Be The 'dilbert Guy.' Unless I Go On A Crime Spree, In Which Case I'll Be That Stabbin Dilbert Guy.

I Can't Bring Myself To Believe In A God With A Personality Like My Own. I Base That On The Paucity Of Lightning Attacks On People Who Deserve It.

You Don't Argue With A Four-year Old About Why He Shouldn't Eat Candy For Dinner. You Don't Punch A Mentally Handicapped Guy Even If He Punches You First. And You Don't Argue When A Women Tells You She's Only Making 80 Cents To Your Dollar. It's The Path Of Least Resistance. You Save Your Energy For More Important Battles.

If You Haven't Already Told Your Kids 'don't Fellate The President' Then You're Probably A Bad Parent.

Remember There's No Such Thing As A Small Act Of Kindness. Every Act Creates A Ripple With No Logical End.