I Bought Myself A Parrot, But It

I Think Pickles Are Cucumbers That Sold Out.

I Get The Reese's Candy Bar. You Look At That, There's An Apostrophe-s There. That Means The Candy Bar Is His. I Didn't Know That. Next Time You're Eating A Reese's Candy Bar, And A Guy Named Reese Comes By And Says, "gimme That", You Better Hand It Over.

I'm A Hard Act To Follow, Because When I'm Done, I Take The Microphone With Me.

I Don't Think Stand-up Is Being Appreciated As Much As It Could Be And I Don't Think It Has For A Long Time. There's Some Great Stand-up Comics Who Come To A Town And If They're Not A Name, They Don't Attract A Crowd But In Reality There Are Brilliant People Out There.

I Love My Fed-ex Guy Cause He's A Drug Dealer And He Don't Even Know It...and He's Always On Time.