I Am Old Enough To Know Only

I Am Old Enough To Know Only Too Well My Good And Bad Qualities, Which Were Often One In The Same.

Mama Used To Tell Us A Story About A Cicada Sitting High In A Tree. It Chirps And Drinks In Dew, Oblivious To The Praying Mantis Behind It. The Mantis Arches Up Its Front Leg To Stab The Cicada, But It Doesn't Know An Oriole Perches Behind It. The Bird Stretches Out Its Neck To Snap Up The Mantis For A Midday Meal, But Its Unaware Of The Boy Who's Come Into The Garden With A Net. Three Creatures—the Cicada, The Mantis And The Oriole—all Coveted Gains Without Being Aware Of The Greater And Inescapable Danger That Was Coming.

Sisters, As You Know, Also Have A Unique Relationship. This Is The Person Who Has Known You Your Entire Life, Who Should Love You And Stand By You No Matter What, And Yet It's Your Sister Who Knows Exactly Where To Drive The Knife To Hurt You The Most.

I've Come To Believe That Part Of Lovesickness Comes From This Conflict Between Control And Desire. In Love We Have No Control. Our Hearts And Minds Are Tormented, Teased, Enticed And Delighted By The Overwhelming Strength Of Emotions That Make Us Try To Forget The Real World.

My Love For Him Had Never Gone Away But Only Changed, Growing Deeper Like Wine Fermenting Or Pickles Curing. It Bore Into Me With The Pervasiveness Of Water Working Its Way To The Center Of A Mountain.