I Am Fine With The Fact That

I Can Tell If Someone Is Talking To Me Because I'm On 'friends' Or Cause They Just Think I'm Neat. You Know I Don't Think I've Ever Spent More Than Five Or Ten Minutes With Somebody Who Was Ogling Me Because They Recognized Me From The Show.

When I Die, I'd Like 'friends' To Be Listed Behind 'helping People.'

I Got Sober Because I Was Worried I Was Going To Die Next Year.

Women Always Think That I'm Chandler, So If I Don't Joke Around For Half An Hour They Think That Something's Wrong. Then I Explain That I Don't Have Comedy Writers Scripting Everything I'm Saying At This Particular Dinner.

After I Got My First Laugh On Stage, I Was Hooked.