Humans Are The Only Animal Who Can

It's Tax Season. When I Woke This Morning And Realized It Was Tax Season, I Said, My God, Didn't We Just Pay Taxes Last Year?

Everybody Is Wondering What Paris Hilton Will Be Doing Next, And Hell, I'm Wondering What She Did Before.

Donald Trump Is On The Show Tonight. Donald Is A Big Man, I Think 230 Pounds -- 235 With Cologne.

The Weather Here Is Gorgeous. It's Mild And Feels Like It's In The Eighties. The Hot Dog Vendors Got Confused Because Of The Weather And Thought It Was Spring, So They Accidentally Changed The Hot Dog Water In Their Carts.

Did You Hear What The Republicans Have Said About Hillary Clinton? They Say She's Too Angry To Be President. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, Too Angry To Be President. When She Heard This, Hillary Said, 'oh Yeah? I'll Rip Your Throats Out, You Bastards.'