Honestly, This Will Never Happen Because She's

Shoulda Gone To China. They Give Away Babies Like Free Ipods. They Put Them In Guns And Shoot Them Out At Sporting Events.

Above The Stage Was A Glass-floored Second Stage, Which Allowed Customers To Look Up And Watch Another Girl Dancing Overhead. This Multidimensional Display Of Poontang Reminded Me Of The 3-d Chessboard On Star Trek, Which In Turn Reminded Me That I Was A Huge Nerd.

Thanks A Heap Coyote Ugly. This Cactus-gram Stings Worse Than Your Abandonment.

Somebody Asked Me Earlier If I Thought It Was Really Important To Tell Stories About Women's Struggles. And I Said Yes, But At The Same Time, It's Also Important To Tell Stories About Women's Triumphs, Women Being Slackers, Women Being Criminals, Women Being Heroes.

Everybody Knows That I'm Not A Snob When It Comes To Pop Culture, Obviously. I Love Reality Shows.