Here In California, We Passed A Law

At Cbs, I’m In Your House. I’m Mindful Of That. When I Do Standup, You’re In My Home And I Can Say What I Want To.

It Seemed That I Performed Better Sober Than Drunk. Who Knew?

According To A New Study, Hawaii Is The Happiest Place In America To Live. And I Thought It Was Just A Great Place To Pretend You Were Born In.

The Universe Is Very, Very Big. It Also Loves A Paradox. For Example, It Has Some Extremely Strict Rules. Rule Number One: Nothing Lasts Forever. Not You Or Your Family Or Your House Or Your Planet Or The Sun. It Is An Absolute Rule. Therefore When Someone Says That Their Love Will Never Die, It Means That Their Love Is Not Real, For Everything That Is Real Dies. Rule Number Two: Everything Lasts Forever.

Italian Women Are Some Of The Most Beautiful In The World. This Is Why The Vatican Is In Italy. If A Man Can Walk Across Italy And Retain His Celibacy, He's Got What It Takes To Be A Priest - Or An Interior Decorator.