Whatever You Do, You're Going To Be

I Hated My Last Boss. He Asked, Why Are You Two Hours Late? I Said, I Fell Downstairs. He Said, That Doesn't Take Two Hours.

Audiences Have Proved Time And Again That They Don't Want A Steady Diet Of Any Entertainer Airing His Social Views - Especially If He's A Comedian.

Happiness Is.....finding Two Olives In Your Martini When Youre Hungry.

The Vast Majority Of Us Don't Want To Face The Fact That We're In The Middle Of A Sweeping Social Revolution. In Sex. In Spiritual Values. In Opposition To Wars No One Wants. In Opposition To Government Big-brotherhood. In Civil Rights. In Basic Human Goals. They're All Facets Of A General Upheaval.

The Price Of Christmas Toys Is Outrageous - A Hundred Dollars, Two Hundred Dollars For Video Games For The Youngsters. I Remember A Christmas Years Ago When My Son Was A Kid. I Bought Him A Tank. It Was About A Hundred Dollars, A Lot Of Money In Those Days. It Was The Kind Of Tank You Could Actually Get Inside And Ride In. He Played In The Box It Came In. It Taught Me A Very Valuable Lesson. Next Year He Got A Box. And I Got A Hundred Dollars' Worth Of Scotch.