He Opened A Window In My Heart,

I Wouldn't Give My Troubles To A Monkey On A Rock.

North Korean Dictator Kim Jung Il May Be Stepping Down. Yeah, Experts In The State Department Say He Could Be Replaced By His Son, Menta Li Ill.

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.

Bad News, It's Going To Be A Huge Environmental Disaster, The Oil Rig Down There In The Gulf Of Mexico. The Good News Is They Think Now That The Oil Spill Will Be Diluted By The Melting Ice Caps.

We Make A Lot Of Fun At President Clinton's Expense. But This Transition Is Going To Be Tough Because It's Been 25 Years Since This Guy Has Gotten Laid In The Private Sector.