Haters Are My Motivators

It's Our Challenges And Obstacles That Give Us Layers Of Depth And Make Us Interesting. Are They Fun When They Happen? No. But They Are What Make Us Unique.

What Goes Up Must Come Down, Which Is Why I Don't Wear Tube Tops.

I Put A Basketball In Front Of George Clooney's Door And Sprayed It With Supermodel Perfume To Lure Him Out.

The Good Psychic Would Pick Up The Phone Before It Rang. Of Course It Is Possible There Was Noone On The Other Line. Once She Said "god Bless You" I Said, "i Didn't Sneeze" She Looked Deep Into My Eyes And Said, "you Will, Eventually." And Damn It If She Wasn't Right. Two Days Later I Sneezed.

Standup Is More Me Talking The Entire Time. There's Definitely An Exchange Of Energy Because That Room, That Audience, Is Giving Back.