Happiness Is A Tiger In Your Tank

The Best Way To Thaw A Frozen Turkey? Blow In It's Ear.

Despite The Fact That Computer Speeds Are Measured In Nanoseconds And Picoseconds - One Billionth And One Trillionth Of A Second, Respectively - The Smallest Interval Of Time Known To Man Is That Which Occurs In Manhattan Between The Traffic Signal Turning Green And The Taxi Driver Behind You Blowing His Horn.

They Say Atomic Rad-i-ation Can Hurt Your Reproductive Organs. My Answer Is, So Can A Hockey Stick. But We Don't Stop Building Them.

In 1932, Lame Duck President Herbert Hoover Was So Desperate To Remain In The White House That He Dressed Up As Eleanor Roosevelt. When Fdr Discovered The Hoax In 1936, The Two Men Decided To Stay Together For The Sake Of The Children.

Anytime Four New Yorkers Get Into A Cab Together Without Arguing, A Bank Robbery Has Just Taken Place.