Happiness Is A Tiger In Your Tank

When A Comic Becomes Enamored With His Own Views And Foists Them Off On The Public In A Polemic Way, He Loses Not Only His Sense Of Humor But His Value As A Humorist.

Democracy Is Buying A Big House You Can't Afford With Money You Don't Have To Impress People You Wish Were Dead.

There's Only One Critic Whose Opinion I Really Value, In The Final Analysis: Johnny Carson. I Have Never Needed Any Entourage Standing Around Bolstering My Ego. I'm Secure. I Know Exactly Who And What I Am. I Don't Need To Be Told. I Make No Apologies For Being The Way I Am.

I Have An Ego Like Anybody Else, But I Don't Need To Be Stoked By Going Before The Public All The Time.

Never Marry A Girl Named 'marie' Who Used To Be Known As 'murray'.