Give Now. Somewhere, Someone Feels Crappy. You

It Ended Suddenly For Brenda, More Slowly For Me. My Runs Began Getting Shorter And Less Pleasurable. I'd Feel Bad After Only One Day, Or Only A Few Hours, Instead Of Four Or Five Days. And I Began To Want To Stop. One Of The Proudest Moments Of My Life Was At A Rock-'n'-roll Theater In New Jersey. A Guy Actually Put Some Coke Under My Nose And I Was Able To Say, "no, Thanks," And Turn My Head Away.

Future Historians Will Be Able To Study At The Jimmy Carter Library, The Gerald Ford Library, The Ronald Reagan Library, And The Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

If You Take Five White Guys And Put 'em With Five Black Guys, And Let 'em Hang Around Together For About A Month, And At The End Of The Month, You'll Notice That The White Guys Are Walking And Talking And Standing Like The Black Guys Do. You'll Never See The Black Guys Going, "oh, Golly! We Won The Big Game Today, Yes Sir!" But You'll See Guys With Red Hair Named Duffy Going, "what's Happenin'?"

Some National Parks Have Long Waiting Lists For Camping Reservations. When You Have To Wait A Year To Sleep Next To A Tree, Something Is Wrong.

There Are Battered Husbands. Apparently This Happens When The Woman Is Real Big, The Man Is Very Small, And They Each Drink A Quart Of Whiskey A Day.