If I Had A Hammer, There'd Be

A Mate Of Mine Has Just Told Me He's Shagging His Girlfriend And Her Twin, I Said How Can You Tell Them Apart, He Said "her Brothers Got A Moustache!"

Whenever I Wear Something Expensive It Looks Stolen.

A Lot Of People Are Too Easily Offended. Religious People, For Instance. They've Been Offending Other People For Centuries.

Fame Is Being Asked To Sign Your Autograph On The Back Of A Cigarette Packet.

Politically Correct Is The Language Of Cowardice.