Everything Is Amazing And Nobody Is Happy

My Show Is Sort Of A Short-film Anthology, And I'm Able To Tell Little Stories That Don't Necessarily Carry A Whole Episode In Terms Of Narrative. I Like The Audience Not Being Sure What They're Getting. I Think It's More Fun To Watch Something When You're Discovering It As You Go Along.

I Don't Have Sex Drive... I Have Sex 'just Sit In The Car And Hope Someone Gets In'.

The Jackass Movies Are Honestly Some Of The Best Movies I've Ever Seen. I Laugh So Hard At Them. Those Guys Are Geniuses. If They Had Grown Up With A Different Group Of People, They Could've Been Performance Artists At Bard College, And People Would Be Writing Papers About Them.

When My Kids Were Younger, I Used To Avoid Them. I Used To Sit On The Toilet 'til My Legs Fell Asleep. You Want To Know Why Your Father Spends So Long In The Toilet? Because He's Not Sure He Wants To Be A Father.

I Did A Show In New Jersey In The Auditorium Of A Technical High School ... Technical High School, That's Where Dreams Are Narrowed Down. We Tell Our Children, "you Can Do Anything You Want." Their Whole Lives. "you Can Do Anything!" But This Place, We Take Kids - They're 15, They're Young - And We Tell Them, "you Can Do Eight Things. We Got It Down To Eight For You."