First Of All, I Wish I Could

I Actually Own A Copy Of My Own Book; That's How Dedicated I Am As An Author.

The Few People Who Ask To Have Their Photographs With Me, I Almost Always Say Yes, Except For A Few Circumstances, Like When My Family Is Around.

I Think There Are Very Few Invisible Musical Instrument Players Out There Who Can Claim The Chops And Sheer Perseverance Of Björn Türoque, The World's Perennial Second-place Air Guitar Champion. Whoever This Dan Crane Might Be, He's Captured The Mad, Seductive Spirit Of The Arbitrary Skill Contest Perfectly, And Rocks It Hard Into The Hot Finnish Night. There Is No Number Of Umlauts That Do This Jekyll And Hyde Of Air-rocking Justice.

Here's The Thing: I Am Not Only A Creature Of Civilization, I'm An Asthmatic Person. I Will Only Live So Long As I Have Stockpiled The Proper Inhalers. I'm Effectively A Cyborg. You Know How In Jurassic Park, They Bred Those Dinosaurs With The Lysine Deficiencies, So If They Ever Got Off The Island, They'd Die? That's Me.

You Know The Old Saying: "history Is Written By The Winners. And Also, The Team Of Hand-picked Historians That The Winner Keeps Hidden Away In An Underground Bunker".