Festivus For The Restivus!

I Have A Problem With That Silver Medal. It's Like, 'congratulation S, You Almost Won. Of All The Losers, You're The Number One Loser. No One Lost Ahead Of You.'

Men Like A Ref Decision Because They Just Want To Get Back To The Game.

Have You Ever Noticed That The Waiter Who Takes Your Order Is Not The One Who Brings Your Food Anymore? What Is That About? And Which Waiter Are You Tipping, Anyway? I Think Next Time I Go To A Restaurant I'll Just Say, "oh, Sorry, I Only Eat The Food. The Guy Who Pays The Bill Will Be Along Shortly."

Everything Is In How You Are Going To Handle It. As A Lifelong Nightclub Comic, I'm Ready To Handle Whatever I Have To Handle.

I Love Meeting Israeli People. They Look At Me Like A Son