Every Word I Say Has Chains Round

It Was Like Letting Go And Falling Back Into Water And Seeing Yourself Grinning Up Through The Water, Your Face Like A Mask, And Seeing The Bubbles Coming Up As If You Were Trying To Speak From Under The Water. And How Do You Know What It's Like To Try To Speak From Under Water When You're Drowned?

Now I No Longer Wish To Be Loved, Beautiful, Happy Or Successful. I Want One Thing And One Thing Only - To Be Left Alone.

I Hated The Mountains And The Hills, The Rivers And The Rain. I Hated The Sunsets Of Whatever Colour, I Hated Its Beauty And Its Magic And The Secret I Would Never Know. I Hated Its Indifference And The Cruelty Which Was Part Of Its Loveliness. Above All I Hated Her. For She Belonged To The Magic And The Loveliness. She Had Left Me Thirsty And All My Life Would Be Thirst And Longing For What I Had Lost Before I Found It.

And I Saw That All My Life I Had Known That This Was Going To Happen, And That I'd Been Afraid For A Long Time, I'd Been Afraid For A Long Time. There's Fear, Of Course, With Everybody. But Now It Had Grown, It Had Grown Gigantic; It Filled Me And It Filled The Whole World.

That Expression You Get In Your Eyes When You Are Very Tired And Everything Is Like A Dream And You Are Starting To Know What Things Are Like Underneath What People Say They Are.