Every Time We Help An Animal, We

I Am Thankful I Was Born In America, Although If I Gain Any More Weight The Burqa Thing May Start To Seem Like A Good Idea To Me. See? Another Plus About America, You Can Always Find Some Food.

I Have Always Put My Own Money Into Tails Of Joy. For Years, Every Time A Dog Walked By, My Husband Would Say, 'there Goes Our Beach House.'

My Brother Is Gay And My Parents Don't Care, As Long As He Marries A Doctor.

Stand-up Is Like A Movie Every Night. You Write It, Direct It, Produce It, The Audience Votes, And You Go Home. There's Nothing More Satisfying.

I'd Much Rather See Richard Pryor Or Jackie Mason In A Theater Than In A Club.