Every Once In A While When I

I Have A Daughter Who, When Younger, Possessed No Barrier Between Her Emotional Self And The Outside World. Her Emotional Insides Spilled Out All Over, And, Especially When I Was Sleep-deprived And Probably A Little Paranoid, This Really Threatened Me. It Was As If She Were Embodying And Expressing The Insecurities And Freaked-outedness I Never Express, And Which I've Learned Over The Years To Keep Hidden.

I Needed To Understand This Random Bad Bit Of Luck As Part Of A Bigger Design. Otherwise I Was Suffering Meaninglessly. This Made The Suffering A Lot Worse.

I Go Through Life Now Reminding Myself To Remember Something, And I Do This While That Something Is Happening. I'll Be Experiencing A Moment And I'll Say To Myself, "remember This!" Otherwise My Whole Life Just Blurs By.

I Can't Even Tell You What Else I Imagined. I Can Only Humiliate Myself To Such A Degree; At A Certain Point It Becomes Humorous, And This Story Is Not Meant To Be Humorous. This Story Is Meant To Winch Your Ribs Open And Tamper With Your Heart. This Story Is Meant To Make You Realize That Your Chances Of Happiness In This World Are Terribly Slim If You Lack A Fine Imagination.

If You Agree With An Outside Person's Interpretation Of You, That's A Happy Bit Of Affirmation. It Means You're Communicating Externally What You Believe To Be True Internally. If You Disagree, It Helps Clarify How You Understand Yourself. And Maybe Makes You Productively Question How To Improve Your Communication Skills.