Even If I Screw Up In My

People Regurgitate The Same Old Cliches And It Becomes Like A Photocopy Of A Photocopy Of Something That's Vaguely Interesting.

I Don't Think There's Anything Outside What Comedy Can Address.

People Come Up To Me In Supermarkets And Demand Humour. And The Less Amusing I Am, The More They Piss Themselves. So I Say, "i'm Doing My Shopping, Mate, Ok?" And The Guy Will Be On The Floor In Hysterics. Quite Odd. Eventually I Do Have To Say Something Funny So I Usually Go For Something Pathetic Like, "it's A Nice Place To Shop But I Wouldn't Like To Live Here!" And They Roar Again. Wet Themselves. I'm Lucky Though That I Am Not Massively Famous, I Can Get The Tube Without Much Bother. Must Be Awful Being The Beckhams.

If You're Driving Your Car And Someone Winds The Window Down And Gives You The Finger And Calls You An Asshole, Instead Of Giving Him The Finger Back And Calling Him An Asshole Back, You Just Pull A Funny Face, And He Doesn't Know How To React To That, Because You're Using Different Rules.

Hacking Into A Victim Of Crime's Phone Is A Sort Of Poetically Elegant Manifestation Of A Modus Operandi The Tabloids Have.