Economists Believe There Are Three Reasons Why

Mary Keitany From Kenya Won The Women's Race At The New York City Marathon. You Can Tell She Was Fast Because Guys On The Street Didn't Even Have Time To Finish Their Catcalls.

The Academy Awards Are Passed Out On Sunday. It's Voted By Members Of The Academy Of Motion Pictures Arts And Sciences. Or As I Call Them, 50 Shades Of White.

I Think The Number One Public-relations Blunder Osama Has Made Is That He Lives In A Cave-fortress And If There's One Thing We've Learned From It's That You Can't Trust A Guy Who Lives In A Cave-fortress -- Lex Luther, Captain Nemo, Dr. Evil. I'm Telling You The List Goes On.

Do You Know What I'm Going To Do When I Retire? I Hope To Become The New Face Of Scientology.

And How About That Barack Obama? You Know What They're Saying? For The First Time He's Starting To Slip In The Polls. Barack Obama Is Starting To Slip In The Polls. Don't Worry. He's Got A Plan. He's Going To Be To Campaigning In Europe.