Earth Day Was Created Because We Were

I'm Not A Great Joke Writer, Which Is Odd For A Comic To Say, But I'm Not. So It's Hard For Me To Come Up With Things, Because I Don't Write Stuff, I Don't Write My Act Down.

There's No Reason To Tweet When You Are In The Midst Of A Great Moment; They Are Few And Far Between. So Pay Attention To It, As You Probably Won't See It Again. You Can Always Tweet Later, If You're Lucky Enough To Be Part Of History And You Think 140 Characters Can Do Credit To Someone Like Martin Luther King Or To The Speech He Made That Day.

Anybody Who Likes Writing A Book Is An Idiot. Because It's Impossible; It's Like Having A Homework Assignment Every Stinking Day Until It's Done. And By The Time You Get It In, It's Done And You're Sitting There Reading It, And You Realize The 12,000 Things You Didn't Do. I Mean, Writing Isn't Fun. It's Never Been Fun.

I Never Thought That Bill Clinton Should Be The President. When He Was Running To Be The President Of The United States, He Said On Over A Hundred Occasions, He Said The Following: He Said, 'one Of The Great Accomplishments While I Was The Governor Of Arkansas, Was To Take My State In Education From 50th To 49th.' And I Thought, ' You Know, Bill, You Should Keep That A Secret.

It's A Privilege To Pay Taxes. Yeah! It's Not A Political Question, Folks. We Have To Pay For Stuff.