Don't Vote, It Only Encourages Them.

If Jesus Was A Jew, How Come He Has A Mexican First Name?

The Great Thing About Glasgow Is That If There's A Nuclear Attack It'll Look Exactly The Same Afterwards.

I Became A Welder. I Was Actually Becoming An Engineer And I Joined The Wrong Queue. And So I Became A Welder, Without Knowing What A Welder Was.

There's Nothing Like It, But It's Not As Good As You Think It's Going To Be. . . . I Was Disappointed Because There Are Records Of People Finding Things That Have Been There For Years. I Was Hoping For A Shirt Button, Or My Club's Badge - But Not A Sausage.

Now, The Country Is In A Terrible State, And You've Blamed It On A Number Of Things: Unemployment Rate, The Value Of The Pound And All That... Wrll, It's Because The National Anthem Is Boring.