Don't Die Until You're Dead.

I Love Fishing. It's Transcendental Meditation With A Punchline.

Nothing Means Anything Here. When They Pull Down An Outstanding Building, No One Objects. Oh, Maybe There's A Wee Protest From Some Collectors Or Something Who Take A Picture Of It Before It Vanishes.

Paddy Was In The Delivery Room When The Midwife Handed Him A Black Baby. "is This Yours?" She Asked "probably" Said Paddy "she Burns Everything Else"

My Definition Of An Intellectual Is Someone Who Can Listen To The William Tell Overture Without Thinking Of The Lone Ranger.

,000 People In Hampden Park. Of Course They're All Scottish. Because No One Else Goes There. The English Have An Unwritten Rule: They Only Go To Places They Might Get Back From.