Death Doesn't Frighten Me; Now I Can

When I'm Laid In My Coffin, I Want You To Put A Picture Of My Grandchild To The Right Of Me And And A Picture Of My Daughter To My Left. That Way They Will Be Buried With Me.

Wit Doesn't Make Girls Pretty.

I Have Legs Of Iron, But To Tell You The Truth, They're Starting To Rust And Buckle A Bit.

[on Being The Oldest Living Human Being:] God Must Have Forgotten Me.

Excuse Me If I'm Clinging On To Life, But My Parents Wove Me From Tight Thread.