Courtney Love Said She Once Escorted Kerry

But The Good News, The Crime Rate Is Down. Isn't That Amazing? Less Banks Are Being Robbed. Well, Sure. A, There's Less Banks. B, The Banks Don't Have Any Money Left. And C, Nobody's Got Gas Money For The Getaway Car. So, Right There, Crime Is Down!

A New Poll Says That If The Election Were Held Today, Both John Kerry And John Edwards Would Beat President Bush By Double Digit Margins. The White House Is So Worried About This, They're Now Thinking Of Moving Up The Capture Of Osama Bin Laden To Next Month.

A Survey Has Shown That The Average Man Has Had Sex In A Car 15 Times. Something To Keep In Mind Next Time You're Looking For A Used Car.

As You Know, Today Was Don't Take Your Illegal Immigrant To Work Day Here In Los Angeles. No, All Across The Nation They Had A Day Without Immigrants, Is What They Call It. Or, As Native Americans Call It, The Good Ol' Days.

French Troops Arrived In Afghanistan Last Week, And Not A Minute Too Soon. The French Are Acting As Advisers To The Taliban, To Teach Them How To Surrender Properly.