Comedy Is A Man In Trouble. And

If I've Learned Anything In The More Than 50 Years That I've Led Mda, It's That The Generosity Of The American People Knows No Bounds. I'm Sure That With Their Fellow Citizens In Such Dire Need, They'll Dig Deep And Do Everything They Can To Help. I'm Hopeful That Many People Will Be Willing To Make Two Phone Calls And Donate To Both Causes.

I Have Nothing Against Women. As A Matter Of Fact There's Something About Them That I Love, But I Just Can't Put My Finger On It.

I Turned Down 'some Like It Hot.' See How Smart I Am? I Felt I Couldn't Bring Anything Funny To It. The Outfit Was Funny. I Don't Need To Compete With The Wardrobe.

You Might As Well Like Yourself; Just Think About All The Time You're Gonna Have To Spend With You.

I've Had Great Success Being A Total Idiot.