Cohabitation Seems A Greater Leap In Cities

Let Me Put It This Way: I Don't Feel As Settled As I Look. I Think That's True Of Everyone, Probably. Except For Beyonce And Jay-z. I Don't Think They Wake Up And Think, 'ugh, When's It Going To Work Out For Us? Why Can't We Catch A Break?' Aside From Them, I'm Pretty Sure Everyone's Life Feels A Lot Less Intentional.

Are There Moments When I See Unrequited Crushes Or Ex-boyfriends Slow Dancing With Their Dates And Kind Of Want To Stab Myself In The Spleen With A Salad Fork? Yeah, Sure.

At The End Of Each Year, I Sit On The Floor And Go Page By Page Through The Old Calendar, Inking Annual Events Into The New One, All The While Watching My Year In 'dinner Withs' Skate By. When I'm Done, I Save The Old Calendar In The Box Of The New One And Put It With The Others On A Shelf.

I Don't Really Think Of My Essays As Being About Myself. I Know It Sounds Insane, But I Just Don't Think Of Them As A Memoir. They're Essays; They're Not An Autobiography.

The Children Were Overwhelmingly Morbid. Not A Single Adult Asked Me Where Butterflies Go When They Die, But This Question Was More Popular Than Pixie Sticks With The Under-four-foot Set. I Cursed Parents For Not Preparing Their Children. When I Was Five, My Mother And Sister Sat Me Up On The Kitchen Counter And Explained The Facts Of Life: The Easter Bunny Didn't Exist, Elijah Was God's Invisible Friend, With Any Luck Nana Would Die Soon, And If I Ever Saw A Unicorn, I Should Kill It Or Catch It For Cash. I Turned Out Okay.