Christopher Columbus, Who Said To Queen Isabella,

The Invisible Man, Who Said To His Wife, I Don't Care If It Looks Silly, Don't Stop! Never Got A Dinner!

Sure, I've Gotten Old. I've Had Two Bypass Surgeries, A Hip Replacement, New Knees... I've Fought Prostate Cancer And Diabetes. I'm Half Blind, Can't Hear Anything Quieter Than A Jet Engine, And Take 40 Different Medications That Make Me Dizzy, Winded, And Subject To Blackouts. I Have Bouts With Dementia, Poor Circulation, Hardly Feel My Hands Or Feet Anymore, Can't Remember If I'm 85 Or 92, But... Thank God, I Still Have My Florida Driver's License!

Helen Of Troy, A Hooker From Upstate New York. Never Got A Dinner!

Sophia Loren, Whose New Baby Asked Her, Is All That For Me? Never Got A Dinner!

Zsa Zsa Gabor, The Only Woman Ever To Apply For Group Alimony. Never Got A Dinner!