Cancer Is Always Funny.

Other People's Children's Birthday Parties Are The Most Joyful Events You Will Ever Resent Having To Attend.

I'm Getting Fat ... As I Planned. Luckily, My Gut Is Intentional. I'm Actually Preparing For A Big Role. Sure, It's A Cinnamon Roll.

Don't You Think It's Strange How Many Referees Work At Footlocker?

I Am Originally From Indiana. I Know What Most Of You Are Thinking: Indiana - Mafia.

We All Take Mother's Day Seriously And Then It's Like A Month Later, A Bunch Of Kids Get Together And Say, "i Guess We Should Do This For The Old Man, Too." Father Day's Is Weird. It's Like Celebrating Darth Vader's Birthday. It's Odd I Think. Even The Gifts We Give Dads. Like Neckties, Which Are Just Like A Silk Noose. Or Books. Would You Ever Want Someone From Another Generation To Give You A Book?