Bologna Is A Deli Meat For People

I Can Read Minds, But I'm Illiterate.

Foosball Screwed Up My Perception Of Soccer. I Though You Had To Kick The Ball And Then Spin Around And Around. I Can't Do A Back Flip, Much Less Several Simultaneously With Two Other Guys.

I Was Going To Get My Teeth Whitened, But I Said, "i'll Just Get A Tan Instead."

I Went To England To Tell Jokes, And I Wanted To Tell My Smokey The Bear Joke, But I Had To Ask The English People If They Knew Who Smokey The Bear Is. But They Don't. In England, Smokey The Bear Is Not The Forest-fire-prevention Representative. They Have Smackie The Frog. It's A Lot Like A Bear, But It's A Frog. And That's A Better System, I Think We Should Adopt It. Because Bears Can Be Mean, But Frogs Are Always Cool. Never Has There Been A Frog Hopping Toward Me And I Thought, "man, I Better Play Dead!"

I Met The Girl Who Works At The Doubletree Front Desk, She Gave Me Her Number. It's Zero. I Tried To Call From Here, Some Other Woman Answered. "you Sound Older!"