Being A Mom Has Made Me So

Luxury Cruises Were Designed To Make Something Unbearable (a Two Week Transatlantic Crossing) Seem Bearable. There's No Need To Do It Now, There Are Planes. You Wouldn't Take A Vacation Where You Ride On A Stage Coach For Two Months But There's All-you-can-eat Shrimp. You Wouldn't Take A Vacation Where You Had An Old-timey Appendectomy Without Anesthesia While Steel Drums Play. You Might Take A Vacation While Riding On A Camel For Two Days If They Gave You Those Little Animal Towels Wearing Your Sunglasses.

I Was A Little Excited But Mostly Blorft. "blorft" Is An Adjective I Just Made Up That Means 'completely Overwhelmed But Proceeding As If Everything Is Fine And Reacting To The Stress With The Torpor Of A Possum.' I Have Been Blorft Every Day For The Past Seven Years.

The Only Way I Could Get Comfortable Around People Was To Make Them Laugh.

You All Watched A Sketch About Feminism And You Didn't Even Know It Because Of All The Jokes. It's Like When Jessica Seinfeld Puts Spinach In Kids' Brownies. Suckers!

It Doesn't Matter If It's A School Play Or A Dumb Tv Show. It's Your Work. You Should Care About It So Much That People Get Annoyed With You.