Because I'm Not A Nice Lesbian, I'm

Guns Don't Kill, People Do.

It's A Cosmic Joke That I'm A Lesbian, Because I Understand Men So Well But Women Are A Complete Mystery To Me.

As A Standup, I Try To Change The World. As An Entertainer, I Try To Entertain. And As A Lesbian, I Try To Pick Up The Prettiest Girl In The Room.

A Woman Will Allow Herself To Be Clouded By Her Emotions. Her Reasonable Thought Becomes Completely Unreasonable Over The Most Ridiculous Thing. It's A Girl Thing.

Never Point At Anything Beige And Call It Cool.