Beauty Compels Us; Reason Merely Cajoles.

Contempt For Others, Like Masturbation, Is Best As A Secret Pleasure.

Humor Does Not Rescue Us From Unhappiness, But Enables Us To Move Back From It A Little.

Radical Historians Now The Tell The Story Of Thanksgiving From The Point Of View Of The Turkey.

Sorrow Also Fulfills Desire. Example: The Soaps.

Never Invite To Dinner: Those Who Won't Decide Until The Last Minute; Those Who Come More Than Half An Hour Late; Those Who Want To Bring Along Two Or Three Friends; Drunks; Monologists; Those Who Stay Until Three O'clock In The Morning; Those Who Think That Conversation Means Having An Argument; Those Who Take A High Moral Tone; Those Who Are Stupid, Ugly, Or Dull. Enforcement Of These Rules Will Enable One To Eat Alone Every Night In Comfort.