Avoid People With Gold Teeth Who Want

When I Was A Kid, If A Guy Got Killed In A Western Movie I Always Wondered Who Got His Horse.

One Of The More Pretentious Political Self-descriptions Is 'libertarian.' People Think It Puts Them Above The Fray. It Sounds Fashionable, And To The Uninitiated, Faintly Dangerous. Actually, It's Just One More Bullshit Political Philosophy.

People Have Material Needs, But You Don't Need A Deodorant For Every Different Day Of The Week. You Don't Need Four Hundred Varieties Of Mustard. This Is What I Call Too Many Choices. There Are Too Many Choices In America.

I Noticed That All The Prayers I Used To Offer To God, And All The Prayers I Now Offer To Joe Pesci, Are Being Answered At About The Same 50% Rate. Half The Time I Get What I Want, Half The Time I Don't... Same As The Four-leaf Clover And The Horseshoe...same As The Voodoo Lady Who Tells You Your Fortune By Squeezing The Goat's Testicles, It's All The Same: 50-50. So Just Pick Your Superstition, Sit Back, Make A Wish, And Enjoy Yourself.

The Effect Of The Coke On Our Relationship [with My Wife Brenda] Was Very Sick. Now That It's Over, Those Were Actually Funny Times. Looking For Each Other's Coke, Hiding It, Finding It, Doing Some, Not Telling The Other. Then Fighting Over It.