Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced He's Running For Governor.

It's Not A Big Part, ... I Wheel In An Ultrasound Machine And Say To Taylor's Gynecologist, 'if You Have A Problem With It, Just Give It A Light Tap On The Side.' Then They Hand Me A Urine Sample, And I Put It Up To The Light And Say 'hmm, Looks Pretty Healthy, But I'll Check.'

Strange Medical News From Pakistan: A Man Had A Successful Organ Transplant With A Dog. They Gave The Man A Dog's Organ. In A Related Story Today, Keith Richards Was Seen Chasing A Mailman.

There Was An Embarrassing Moment At A Recent Democratic Fundraiser. When John Kerry Was Handed A $10 Million Dollar Check, He Said, 'i Do.'

Over Ten Thousand People Have Signed A Petition To Recall Governor Schwarzenegger. I'm Sorry, That Is Next Year's Joke.

Our Top Story, In 'threat Matrix Reloaded' News ... Attorney General John Ashcroft And Fbi Director Robert Muller Held A Press Conference Today To Announce That Al Qaeda Is Planning Attacks Somewhere Inside The United States At Sometime In The Future. So Go About Your Normal Lives, But With A Vague Sense Of Foreboding.