Aren't You Scared Your Kid's Getting Kidnapped...right

Aren't You Scared Your Kid's Getting Kidnapped...right Now?

With Stand-up, It's More Interesting To Hear About People's Failures Than Their Successes.

I Always Hate Telling My Jokes In Print 'cause I Always Feel Like It Reads So Not Funny And People Read It And They Think, 'oh, So That's What That Guy Does In His Stand-up? That's Terrible.'

You Should Really Treat Stand-up Like You Would A Play. It's A One-man Play.

Do It Under The Influence Yourself! That's What We're Shooting For! Get Drunk And Make Your Dreams Come True.