And As We Should All Know By

I Am Not Shy About Admitting My Modest Talents. For Example, I Am Happy To Admit That I Am Better Than Average At Clever Remarks, And I Also Have A Flair For Getting People To Like Me. But To Be Perfectly Fair To Myself, I Am Ever-ready To Confess My Shortcomings, Too, And A Quick Round Of Soul-searching Forced Me To Admit That I Had Never Been Any Good At All At Breathing Water. As I Hung There From The Seat Belt, Dazed And Watching The Water Pour In And Swirl Around My Head, This Began To Seem Like A Very Large Character Flaw.

I'm A Very Neat Monster.

The Faster It Ran Away From Me. And I Found Myself Reasoning That Perhaps One More Beer Would Unlock The Doors Of Perception.

Have You Noticed How Difficult It Is Just To Get Along In The World? If You're No Good At All In Your Job, People Treat You Badly And Eventually You Will Be Unemployed. And If You're A Little Better Than Competent, Everyone Expects Miracles From You, Every Single Time. Like Most Of Life, It's A No-win Situation. And If You Dare To Mention It, No Matter How Creatively You Phrase Your Complaints, You Are Shunned As A Whiner.

...being Torn Apart By Far Too Many Loyalties That Could Not Possibly Live Together In The Same Brain.