Although Kurt Vonnegut May Not Be Considered

Before I Proposed To My Now-wife, I Was Understandably Nervous. My Father Suggested That I Take Stock Of All Of My Experiences And Relationships With Women, From My Earliest Memories To Present Day, And See If I Had Learned Anything That Might Inform My Decision.

People Are Always Trying To Tell You How They Feel. Some Of Them Say It Outright, And Some Of Them, They Tell You With Their Actions. And You Have To Listen. I Don't Know What Will Happen With Your Lady Friend. I Think She's A Nice Person, And I Hope You Get What You Want. But Do Me A Favor: Listen, And Don't Ignore What You Hear.

The Baby Will Talk When He Talks, Relax. It Ain't Like He Knows The Cure For Cancer And Just Ain't Spitting It Out.

My Parents Had Irrational Fears Of Mexico And Assumed That Once You Crossed The Border, Drug Runners Made You Swallow A Heroin Balloon And Then Within The Hour You Were In A Bathtub Full Of Ice And They Were Harvesting Your Kidneys.

I Kind Of Came To The Conclusion After I Did Finally Get Married That Love And Relationships Are Just A Series Of Horrific Losses With Hopefully One Win.