All Laughter Is A Muscular Rigidity Spasmodically

There Are Several Natural Phenomena Which I Shall Have To Have Explained To Me Before I Can Keep On Going As A Resident Member Ofthe Human Race. One Is The Metamorphosis Which Hats And Suits Undergo Exactly One Week After Their Purchase, Whereby They Are Changed From Smart, Intensely Becoming Articles Of Apparel Into Something Children Use When They Want To "dress Up Like Daddy.

We Are Constantly Being Surprised That People Did Things Well Before We Were Born. We Are Constantly Remarking On The Fact That Things Are Done Well By People Other Than Ourselves. "the Japanese Are A Remarkable Little People," We Say, As If We Were Doing Them A Favor. "he Is An Arab, But You Ought To Hear Him Play The Zither." Why "but"?

What Is The Disease Which Manifests Itself In An Inability To Leave A Party--any Party At All--until It Is All Over And The Lightsare Being Put Out?... I Suppose That Part Of This Mania For Staying Is Due To A Fear That, If I Go, Something Good Will Happen And I'll Miss It. Somebody Might Do Card Tricks, Or Shoot Somebody Else.

This Congestion In The Post Offices Is Due To What Are Technically Known As "regulations" But What Are Really A Series Of Acrostics And Anagrams Devised By Some Officials Who Got Around A Table One Night And Tried To Be Funny.

The Ultimate Day Really Begins The Night Before, When You Sit Up Until One O'clock Trying To Get Things Into Trunk And Bags. This Is When You Discover The Well-known Fact That Summer Air Swells Articles To Twice Or Three Times Their Original Size.