All Comedians Are, In A Way, Anarchists.

I Don't Have A Show Anymore. I Don't Have A Check Coming In Every Week. This Is Important To Me, I Got To Score A Million Tonight Or It Could All Be Over.

You Shouldn't Get Too Close To The Truth, Because Then Maybe You Stop Being Funny.

I Don't Like Country Music, But I Don't Mean To Denigrate Those Who Do. And For The People Who Like Country Music, Denigrate Means 'put Down'.

A Collison Is What Happens When Two Motorists Go After The Same Pedestrian.

I Worked In Accounting For Two And A Half Years, Realized That Wasn't What I Wanted To Do With The Rest Of My Life, And Decided I Was Just Going To Give Comedy A Try.