Alaska Is What Happens When Willy Wonka

In New York And La, There Is Sort Of That Silent Competition To Be On The Cutting Edge Of Something.

You Feel Like Telling Him You're Not Single In The Way That He Thinks You're Single. After All, You Have Yourself. I Think A Lot Of Humor Is About Distracting Yourself. Pretend You're Not Trying To Make It Funny. Because For Some Reason The Effort To Be Funny Smells Like Sulphur In Our Culture.

You Can't Possibly Fathom The Ins And Outs Of A Prepubescent Beauty Treatment Until You've Felt The Strange But Exhilarating Tingle Of A Cottage-cheese-and-pop-rocks Facial.

As Most Doctors Will Tell You, Cleansing Is Ridiculous. You Know What's Been Around Longer Than That State-of-the-art Juicer? Your Kidneys. And Your Liver. Still, The Cleanse Has Recalibrated My Definition Of A Splurge.

Ah, The Power Of Two. There's Nothing Quite Like It. Especially When It Comes To Paying Utility Bills, Parenting, Cooking Elaborate Meals, Purchasing A Grown-up Bed, Jumping Rope And Lifting Heavy Machinery. The World Favours Pairs. Who Wants To Waste The Wood Building An Ark For Singletons?