Agnostics Are Just Atheists Without Balls.

I'm Not Here To Affect You Politically Or Socially. I'm Here To Make You Laugh. I Use The News As The Palette For My Jokes.

Baby Carrots Are Making Me Gay.

It's A Game. That's Why We Call It 'the News.' It's Just A Game.

You Can't Swallow And Think About Your Tongue. If You Think About Your Tongue, You've Got A Giant Piece Of Meat In Your Mouth And That's A Terrible Feeling.

I Teach Sunday School, Motherf*****.