Abandon The Search For Truth; Settle For

If You're Going To America, Bring Your Own Food.

I Drove A Cab. But All The Girls I Knew When I Was Young Who Had To Work - There Were Rich Girls - But The Ones Who Had To Work Were Waitresses. Because You Could Always Get Shifts In A Restaurant.

I Prefer Dead Writers Because You Don't Run Into Them At Parties.

I Used To Love To Write. As A Child I Used To Write All The Time. I Loved To Write Up Until The Second I Got My First Professional Writing Job. It Turns Out It's Not That I Hate To Write. I Hate, Simply, To Work.

When I Fly, I'm Never Afraid The Plane Is Going To Crash. But There Have Often Been Times When I Was Afraid It Wouldn't Crash. I Was Just Afraid It Was Going To Circle O'hare For The Rest Of My Life.