A Woman Wearing A Revealing Dress Will

I Woke With A Start. At First I Assumed I'd Trumped Myself Awake Again.

Guide Dogs For The Blind. It's Cruel Really, Isn't It? Getting A Dog To Lead A Man Round All Day. Not Fair On Either Of Them.

I Think If You Try To Look For Something To Show Off As An Actor, Vanity Can Get The Better Of You.

People Come Up To Me In Supermarkets And Demand Humour. And The Less Amusing I Am, The More They Piss Themselves. So I Say, "i'm Doing My Shopping, Mate, Ok?" And The Guy Will Be On The Floor In Hysterics. Quite Odd. Eventually I Do Have To Say Something Funny So I Usually Go For Something Pathetic Like, "it's A Nice Place To Shop But I Wouldn't Like To Live Here!" And They Roar Again. Wet Themselves. I'm Lucky Though That I Am Not Massively Famous, I Can Get The Tube Without Much Bother. Must Be Awful Being The Beckhams.

People Regurgitate The Same Old Cliches And It Becomes Like A Photocopy Of A Photocopy Of Something That's Vaguely Interesting.