A Railroad Station? That Was Sort Of

Voters Inclined To Loathe And Fear Elite Ivy League Schools Rarely Make Fine Distinctions Between Yale And Harvard. All They Know Is That Both Are Full Of Rich, Fancy, Stuck-up And Possibly Dangerous Intellectuals Who Never Sit Down To Supper In Their Undershirt No Matter How Hot The Weather Gets.

Of All The People Expressing Their Mental Vacuity, None Has A Better Excuse For An Empty Head Than The Newspaperman: If He Pauses To Restock His Brain, He Invites Onrushing Deadlines To Trample Him Flat. Broadcasting The Contents Of Empty Minds Is What Most Of Us Do Most Of The Time, And Nobody More Relentlessly Than I.

Inanimate Objects Can Be Classified Scientifically Into Three Major Categories: Those That Don't Work, Those That Break Down And Those That Get Lost. The Goal Of All Inanimate Objects Is To Resist Man And Ultimately To Defeat Him, And The Three Major Classifications Are Based On The Method Each Object Uses To Achieve Its Purpose. As A General Rule, Any Object Capable Of Breaking Down At The Moment When It Is Most Needed Will Do So.

Grass Is The Least Rewarding Of All Status Symbols... The Grass Does Nothing But Drink Money, Exhaust Energies, Crush Spirits, Destroy Sleep, Create Tensions And Interfere With The Watching Of Baseball Games, And Sprout Insolent Signs Ordering Humans To Keep Off It.

Windows 95 Is What Rube Goldberg Would Have Designed If He'd Studied Cartooning At M.i.t.