A Lot Of People Say They Are

The Worst Years Of My Life Were The First Two Years I Was Doing Standup. You're Learning How To Do, And You're Going On Stage In Front Of Two Drunks And People Aren't Laughing And You're Broke. That's A Really Hard Time In Your Life.

The Country Has Become Much More Conservative, Partly Because It's Been Taken Over By The Religious Right.

Jesus Is Not A Candle. A Company In South Dakota Is Selling Candles With The Scent Of Jesus. You Light One And Your Friends Says, Christ, What's That Smell?

There Are Only Three Ways A Congressman Goes Out: They Die In Office, They Cash In As A Lobbyist, Or They Mistakenly Tweet A Picture Of Their D*ck.

Religion Is Bad And Drugs Are Good.