Heaven Help Me For The Way I

When I Was A Kid--10, 11, 12, 13--the Thing I Wanted Most In The World Was A Best Friend. I Wanted To Be Important To People; To Have People That Understood Me. I Wanted To Just Be Close To Somebody. And Back Then, A Thought Would Go Through My Head Almost Constantly: "there's Never Gonna Be A Room Someplace Where There's A Group Of People Sitting Around, Having Fun, Hanging Out, Where One Of Them Goes, 'you Know What Would Be Great? We Should Call Fiona. Yeah, That Would Be Good.' That'll Never Happen. There's Nothing Interesting About Me." I Just Felt Like I Was A Sad Little Boring Thing.

The Worst Pain In The World Is Shame.

I Don't Want To Make This Sound Negative At All, But In The Best Way Possible I Freaking Give Up. I Give Up. You Can't Try And Make Your Life Perfect. I'm Just Trying To Have A Good Time, And I'm Just Trying To Appreciate The Things That I Have Around Me. I Give Up On The 'dream' Dream. I Think That It's All A Dream. I Think It's All Wonderful And Terrible. And I Give Up In The Nicest Way.

I Realized I Was Trying To Be Friends With Somebody Who I Used To Be With But Who I Didn't Get Along With. I'm Really Big On That. I Need To Be Friends With Everyone That I've Ever Had A Relationship With.

If I Were To Imagine Myself As An Idler Wheel Inside Some Big Mix Of Gears, Then I Would Be Connected To Everything. It's Not Like There's Just Me And Then Nothing.