A Congressman Actually Apologized To Bp's Ceo

The White House Begun Airing Their Tv Commercials To Re-elect The President, And The John Kerry Campaign Is Condemning His Use Of 9/11 In The Ads. He Said, It Is Unconscionable To Use The Tragic Memory Of A War In Order To Get Elected, Unless Of Course, It's The Vietnam War.

According To The L.a. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft Wants To Take "a Harder Stance" On The Death Penalty. What's A Harder Stance On The Death Penalty? We're Already Killing The Guy? How Do You Take A Harder Stance On The Death Penalty? What, Are You Going To Tickle Him First? Give Him Itching Powder? Put A Thumbtack On The Electric Chair?

John Kerry Said Today That He Wants To Get Rid Of Tax Cuts For The Rich And His Wife Said, 'hey, Shut Up! What's The Matter With You?! Are You Nuts?!'

Espn Has Announced That They Are Launching A 3-d Sports Network. Industry Analysts Say This Will Absolutely Revolutionize The Way Americans Don't Watch Soccer.

They Say If The Warming Trend Continues, By 2015 Hillary Clinton Might Actually Thaw Out.