You're Not A Patriot Unless Even When

When Consumers Know Things, They Tend To Make Informed Choices, And That Could Affect Corporate Profits. I'm Sorry, But Your Right To Know Is Always Going To Be Outweighed By Their Right To Hide It From You.

I Don't Know If Anybody From My Tribe Of Atheists Ever Thanked [barack Obama] For Giving Us A Shout-out At Your First Inaugural, But You Did Mention Non-believers. We Appreciate It. Because We Do Feel Like Untouchables To A Degree.

Russia Has Banned All Adoptions To Americans. So, If You Were Hoping To Get A Little White Kid With Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, You're Going To Have To Wait Until Lindsay Lohan Reproduces.

It's That Time Of Year Again, April 15, Taxes. I Know It's Depressing, But Just Remember, You're Paying For Roads, Bridges, Hospitals, And An Army To Keep The Nation Free. Unfortunately That Nation Is Afghanistan.

Religion Is Bad And Drugs Are Good.